What actually happens in sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a talking therapy which can help you get to the bottom of any sexual issues you're facing.

It can feel daunting to come to a sex therapist for the first time - let's be honest, it's rare we share details about our sex life with a stranger or even with a friend!

But a good sex therapist will put you at ease and let you take your time as you talk about what's going on for you. There's no such thing as Too Much Information for sex therapists - we've spent years discussing, sex, relationships, kinks, bodies, genitals, fantasies, problems, hang ups and all manner of things.

Maybe you're facing a sexual function problem (things like pain on penetration or erection issues), an emotional barrier (anxiety about sex, past trauma or lack of confidence) or something to do with desire (you and your partner want different things or you're getting bored with the sex you're having). Whatever the issue, a trained sex therapist will be able to help you to figure out where this problem came from and how to resolve it.

So what happens in the first session?

The therapist will welcome you and ask an opening question like what's brought you to therapy or where you'd like to start. It's okay of you don't find it easy to start and it's also okay if you have a lot to say and it all comes out in a rush. Your therapist can help you find your way into tricky topics but can also help you talk about difficult things at a pace you can cope with.

Things you're allowed to say to a sex therapist:

• "There's more I want to say but I don't feel ready yet"

• "I'm struggling to find the words to use"

• "I'm embarassed about this"

• "I'm not ready to answer that"

• "I don't know where to start"

• "This is too hard to talk about right now"

• "I'm worried you'll judge me for this"

Top tips:

• Search for a therapist specifically trained in sex therapy. We're sometimes called psychosexual therapists or clinical sexologists.

• Check they're registered with a professional membership organisation which has checked their credentials.

• Think about whether you want therapy that's focussed on the here and now, or which will look into your past. Do you want a therapist who makes suggestions or who lets you lead? Do you want someone whose style is conversational and self-disclosing or more of a traditional blank slate?

• Book a free brief chat with the therapist to get a feel for them. Do you feel comfortable with them? Do you want to talk to this person about your life? Did you feel safe with them?

If everything is good, go ahead and book that first session - it's the first step of your new journey.